Mikileaks: Posh Boy Philosophy revealed

Warning: Some of the information in this picture may have been obtained by listening in on private telephone conversations. Or maybe not. Our investigative reporter didn't tell us and we wouldn't say even if he did. In any case he was acting on his own.

We appreciate that some of the language used in the document above may not be familiar to everyone, so we have added a few explanatory notes which we hope you will find helpful:

People

Karl Marx

Josef Stalin

Why Cameron resembles a fish in a condom

Philosophy

"From each according to their ability, to each according to their need"

Posh Boy Politics

Open any newspaper*, any day, any page, and read about:

• hitting the disabled

• hitting the poor

• hitting the young: Sure Start - Educational Maintenance Allowance - tuition fees

• hitting the old

• hitting the unemployed

• wrecking the health service

• dismantling the education system: school curriculum - academies - so-called "free" schools - university funding

• starving the arts

• cheating the voluntary sector

• destroying democracy: constituency boundaries - voting reform

• cosying up to Murdoch*

Hardly any of these measures were in their election manifesto nor in the coalition agreement, few are based on reliable evidence, many haven't even been costed.

Posh Boy Etonomics

- letting the banks off the hook

- fomenting unemployment

- privatising anything and everything

- telling porkies about the economy

Posh Boy Outlook on Life

And all handled with seemingly effortless, patronising effrontery: "I'm incredibly optimistic"

We could go on but it's nearly bedtime. More helpful links to follow.

Note:

* if your newspaper isn't telling you about all this, ask yourself why

Mikileaks: New Lottery - how it works

Our moles have been burrowing away, and can now reveal how the Demolition Government's much-vaunted new nation-wide Lottery Scheme works. Mikileaks locked researcher Steve Bell away for a couple of minutes with the scheme's source code - scribbled on a torn-off scrap of 'Number 11' headed notepaper, and rescued from the bin beside the photocopier - and he has come up with this graphic representation of the process. He says it wasn't that hard to crack, as the first line of code reads:

{Top Secret: GO says 2000 Mancunians down the pan, and pronto!} *see Note 1

It therefore came as no surprise to us to see amongst this week's lucky winners:

Manchester!

Manchester council attacks government as 2,000 jobs axed

However, do not despair if Lady Luck hasn't called on you this week. For wherever you live, and whatever your circumstances (with some notable exceptions - *see Note 2), they've got your number, and it could be drawn any day now. It could be your turn next!

Remember - We're all in this together!

*Note 1: There are conflicting rumours as to the identity of 'GO'; some analysts suggest that he may well be the mysterious character seen scurrying across the steps of 10 Downing Street in this videoclip.

*Note 2: Some experts claim to have detected certain regional and social biases in the coding of the scheme, which seems to be stacking the odds strongly in favour of 'Northern towns' and 'poorest areas' at the moment:

Northern towns 'targeted' with cuts

Councils say poorest areas will be worst hit by cuts

And if you wondered what this picture was doing at the top of our original article, see:

Police may stage street protests over cuts and job losses

Police force's colour-coded redundancy letters give staff the blues

So when the police take to the streets with their face-masks and home-made placards - who will do the kettling?

NB: Steve says his illustration is 'after LS Lowry'; of course it is - Lowry died over 20 years ago. He painted scenes, full of sympathy, of the ordinary lives of ordinary people in his home town of Salford, including Going to Work and Coming home from the mill. Would he qualify for an arts grant today?

According to our maps, Salford is quite near to Manchester, and so probably qualifies both as a 'Northern town' and as a 'poorer area'. Some folk have all the luck.

57 varieties of hypocrite

(from today's Guardian)

For those not familiar with UK politics:

- the Liberal Democrats have 57 MPs (members of parliament)

- they are propping up the Conservatives in a coalition government

- during the general election campaign earlier this year they promised to abolish students' tuition fees, if elected

- they won a number of university town seats on the back of this pledge

- the senior Liberal Democrat Vince Cable is the minister in charge of the government department which is currently introducing a huge rise in tuition fees, alongside a massive cut in the funding of university teaching

- a wave of student occupations and demonstrations is taking place all over the country against these cuts and charges

- one leading Liberal Democrat said the pledge was 'a legitimate position for an opposition party', but 'a very different position for a party with responsibility' (see dictionary definition of hypocrisy below)

- many Liberal Democrat MPs are getting cold feet over the parliamentary vote on this issue, due next week - should they vote for? against?? abstain??? individually???? all together?????

- the Guardian cartoonist Steve Bell does Cable as a baby elephant

- Heinz (of baked beanz fame) used to boast they sold 57 varieties of tinned food

- the Liberal Democrat logo is a bird with far too many wings - or is it a worm?

- the lobby is where MPs go to cast their votes in the House of Commons

- 'lobby fodder' is an expression used to refer to MPs who always vote the way their party tells them to

- hypocrite: when someone pretends to believe something that they do not really believe or that is the opposite of what they do or say at another time (Cambridge Dictionaries Online)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words - well I've used over 250 here but I'd far rather look at Steve Bell's cartoon . . .

Oh, and by the way, I - and I'm sure many others in Lewes - will be very interested to see how our own Liberal Democrat MP, Norman Baker, votes on this issue.

Posh Boy's BS blast

Posh Boy gets drunk on his own BS, and shows us how to count to two.

See Steve Bell drawing this, and readers' comments.

Posh Boy has idea

Steve Bell, Guardian, 20 July

Here's what senior Tories thought of Cameron's "big idea", three months ago:

"Oliver Letwin had this great 'big society' idea, though it might have been an idea to share it with the rest of us," one normally loyal shadow minister said. "People don't really follow Oliver's philosophical discourse."

Another shadow minister echoed this criticism. "The 'big society' needs to be turned into more practical, voter-friendly language. We need to turn Oliver Letwin's Hegelian dialectic into voter friendly stuff."

A third Tory source was even blunter. "The 'big society' is bollocks. It is boiled vegetables that have been cooked for three minutes too long. It tastes of nothing. What is it?"

Well, what is it? Philosophical discourse? Hegelian dialectic?? Or just over-boiled vegetables???

Is this any help: David Cameron reveals 'big society' vision ? Hmm - philosophy, dialectic, or vegetables?